BearSharks
Just when you thought it was safe to get drunk on the beach and/or wooded areas… Bearsharks are extremely deadly hybrids of a bear and a shark and some specialists claim to be the perfect predator, capable of traversing almost any imaginable terrain. Origins The origin of the Bearshark has only been explained by folklore from a variety of cultures, spanning several centuries. The only consistent fact is that Bears and Sharks, both extremely deadly predators from vastly different habitats, came together to create Amphibious Godless Killing Machines. Legend depicts the creatures of being capable of nothing but destruction. It is told that a single Bearshark easily wiped out a village of over one hundred inhabitants, and even enjoyed chomping its way through their sheep and goats. Originally it was thought that BearSharks reproduce sexually, however recent scientific evidence has shown that they reproduce by budding. Meaning that all BearSharks originate from "BearShark Prime"; A 400 foot tall BearShark capable of unspeakable evils. But where did BearShark Prime come from? The answer of course is science(it always is). A mad scientist created it in an attempt to take over the world, but he lost control of it. Characteristics Physical The typical Bearshark possesses the midsection of a bear along with all four clawed appendages, while the head and tail resemble those of a shark. Included on the back is a dorsal fin. These features make the Bearshark's body perfect for swimming in either fresh or salt water, while also able to wander about on almost any terrain. Their claws are excellent for climbing trees and mauling children and puppies. Originally it was thought arctic habitats were the only uninhabitable regions for Bearsharks, but recently a Bearshark was found in Northern Russia. A shark had joined with a polar bear creating a sub-species, the Polar Bearshark. Another sub-species is the Pyro Bearshark, also known as the Fire Bearshark. This species possesses a physical trait not found in either bears or sharks. The Pyro Bearshark’s body is engulfed in self-created flames. Though there has been no proof, there have been individual claims that it is also capable of breathing fire. It is not entirely known how this trait evolved, but some specialists believe that it comes from a recessive gene found in some bears and sharks. Behavioral The behavioral patterns of a Bearshark greatly differ from that of its natural parents. Bears are seen by liberals as scavengers only, while Sharks prey primarily on seals and attack humans only when they are mistaken for other creatures. These behaviors have been disproved again and again, but if so, the Bearshark loses these behaviors and gains an even deadlier instinct. They have an extremely aggressive behavior that matches their appetite. The Bearshark must constantly eat in order to maintain energy to power its massive body. It needs this energy because like the shark, Bearsharks do not sleep. They are definite predators, not scavengers, preying on larger animals. They feed primarily on humans. Though humans are not entirely large, there is a mass abundance of them that drives Bearsharks to heavily populated areas like suburbs and cities. Video, though, has caught Bearsharks preying on elephants and rhinos, and mythical stories tell that ithey also prey on creatures such as giant squids and Sasquatch. When hunting, in water they tend to completely submerge themselves and surprise their prey, and on land they employ the same tactic by climbing up trees and waiting to jump down. Creation Bearsharks are created naturally and synthetically. Originally it was thought that BearSharks reproduce sexually, however recent scientific evidence has shown that they reproduce by budding. Meaning that all BearSharks originate from "BearShark Prime"; A 400 foot tall BearShark capable of unspeakable evils. But where did BearShark Prime come from? The answer of course is science(it always is). A mad scientist created it in an attempt to take over the world, but he lost control of it. Synthetic Synthetic Bearsharks are created by Baylor Experimental Aquatic Research (B.E.A.R.) in Waco, TX. Being the world leader in synthetic Bearsharks they strive to improve the abilities of this “prefect predator.” One example is for the past three years they tried to implant the creature with eagle DNA to give them the gift of flight, but so far attempts have failed. Danger to America Bearsharks are a major threat to National Security. We are uncertain just how many are already in the country or how many are just waiting to swim in, given a moment's opportunity. There has not yet been a major attack of Bearsharks on American soil, but one would be nearly impossible to predict. The only preparation that can be made is around the clock military response, but even this will prove futile, as an entire navel ship could easily fall victim to a surprise attack. One proposed maneuver to prevent an attack is to capture any Bearsharks found and transport them to another, less fortunate, country, but this has two considerable flaws. The first is the pure danger to trying to capture a live Bearshark and the lives that could be lost in the attempt. The second is that the hybrid animal may very well eat its way out of the country it is relocated to and return to America. Bearsharks certainly pose a considerable threat to National Security, but far more fearsome is their threat to the free trade market that America is built on. Dr. Stephen T. Colbert released a statement on the danger of any kind of hybrid to free trade. Colbert claims hybrids reduce the number of products available to consumers. Instead of buying two things, Americans could save money and buy just one, the hybrid. This is seen as being anti-capitalist and anything anti-capitalist is communism. By applying this idea to Bearsharks, it is safe to declare they are Communists, being Godless, killing hybrids. The nation's top researchers have recently theorized that it may be possible to determine the origins of Bearshark Prime by considering the Bearsharks' political affiliation, but research has proved inconclusive. When Encountering a Bearshark Unless a person is armed with a heavy arsenal, there’s not much they can do to ensure their survival. It is important to remember not to run or swim away as a Bearshark is capable of doing both and with great speed. Fire affects most Bearsharks as their midsection is covered in hair; however, this does not affect the Pyro Bearshark as it’s on fire already and enjoys it. Experts traditionally have suggested burying oneself alive to avoid the terrible beast, but this choice has fallen out of favor with leading scientists. Research has since found that Bearsharks can dig much faster than human could ever hope to. The newly favored proposal regarding Bearshark encounters is to fall to one's knees and submit entirely to the Bearshark's will. It has been reported, but not verified, that some Bearsharks will take humans as pets under the right circumstances. See Also *Bears *Sharks